I missed last week’s Saturday Black Girls Run outing, but was determined to make it this morning.

There were just a few women running this morning. And I’m still very much a run walker.

This time around I did have music to play and I had met two of the women before. So it felt very comfortable and possible.

I haven’t run in years and even when I did it was for a very brief period, six months or so.

But I’m trying again.

This morning I began thinking about giving up, though. I alternated walking and running and it seemed the distance I was running was pitifully short. And I felt bad doing it.

Not falling-out bad, just not rah-rah good. I really doubted I could get up to running three miles, much less any other goals I’ve toyed with lately.

But I finished our four miles anyway. So I’ll put that in my wins column.

And in talking about it when I got home, my husband noted that I’d been heavy into my allergy meds and having a pretty challenging time still with allergies. So that contributes to not feeling great today. And reminded me that I was probably not asking the right questions. Is it running that made me feel bad, or everything else? Like allergy/sinus congestion, sleep deprivation, poor shoes.

I went back to the Couch to 5K page and looked at the training schedule again. I started the program because it eases you into the three miles. However, I haven’t been consistent with the first three weeks of training. I’ve been alternating as outlined, but I haven’t gotten in three of those work outs each week. Again, is it the running, or something else – like inconsistency?

The program works if you work the program. I haven’t really been working the program.

So I’m attempting to do week three run/walks, but I’m not ready yet.

That’s the answer I’m giving myself to counter the “give it up” voice in my head.

Therefore my goal this week is to start over (which I really hate doing, and need to work on) at week one and do the work out at least three times this week. The second part of my goal is to be patient. Even if it takes me 10 – 12 weeks to be able to comfortably run three miles, it’s still an accomplishment for me.